P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
