i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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