I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
