when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize