i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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