i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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