I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
