sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
