he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
