You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
