I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You were trust falling into bushes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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