it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
