Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
