Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
