i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
