I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
