Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
