I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Is it penis luge time yet?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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