so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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