the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
