a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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