Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
