Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
