Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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