we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
