It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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