I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
