the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
