I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
