You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
