Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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