would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
