Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
