I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
