Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
