We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
