You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
