I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
