exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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