We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
