The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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