Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
