tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
