he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
