I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
