The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
