Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
