Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
