How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
