Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
