OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
