Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
