so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
