Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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