Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
